Self-sabotage is a complex behaviour that many of us experience, often without realising. It can appear at the worst times, whether during a high-pressure presentation at work or a quiet Sunday afternoon at home. Understanding how and why self-sabotage occurs—and the differences in how it manifests in high- and low-pressure moments—is crucial to breaking free from its grip.

What is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage refers to behaviours, thoughts, or actions that prevent us from achieving our goals and living fully. It’s often rooted in fear, doubt, or deeply ingrained conditioning. The phenomenon isn’t about lack of willpower or effort it’s a survival mechanism that our brains mistakenly activate, often in response to stress.

The Brain’s Role in Self-Sabotage

To understand self-sabotage, we need to examine the brain’s functions in different scenarios. The amygdala, a part of the brain involved in processing emotions and stress, plays a significant role. When we perceive a threat, whether real or imagined the amygdala triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response, pushing us into survival mode. While this response is vital for immediate physical danger, it can also be triggered by non-life-threatening stressors like deadlines, difficult conversations, or personal challenges.

Under high pressure, this survival mechanism can override logical thinking, leading to procrastination, avoidance, or rash decisions—all forms of self-sabotage. In low-pressure moments, self-sabotage can manifest as complacency, overthinking, or even self-doubt, as our brains search for ways to protect us from perceived risks, such as failure or rejection.

High-Pressure Moments

In high-pressure situations, the stakes feel high, and the brain’s stress response is heightened. This can lead to behaviours such as:

• Freezing during an important presentation because your brain perceives public speaking as a threat, triggering a fear of humiliation.

• Overreacting during a disagreement with a partner because unresolved fears of rejection make the situation feel more intense than it is.

Research has shown that stress can impair the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and rational thought. This means that in high-pressure moments, we’re more likely to act impulsively or avoid taking action altogether.

Low-Pressure Moments

In low-pressure scenarios, the absence of urgency can create opportunities for self-sabotage to creep in more subtly. Examples include:

• Delaying a non-urgent project until it becomes a last-minute scramble, driven by perfectionism or fear of criticism.

• Procrastinating on setting boundaries in a friendship, telling yourself it’s “not the right time,” when the real reason is fear of confrontation.

Low-pressure moments often leave room for overthinking and internalised self-criticism, which can spiral into inaction. This type of self-sabotage is rooted in avoidance rather than immediate stress.

Conditioning and Self-Sabotage

Our tendencies to self-sabotage are often shaped by past experiences and societal conditioning such as:

Childhood Conditioning: If you were praised for being perfect but criticised for mistakes, you may avoid risks to escape the possibility of failure.

Cultural Expectations: Societal messages that link success to constant hustle may push you to overwork, leading to burnout and self-sabotage.

Research from Dr Carol Dweck on “growth mindset” highlights that people who see challenges as opportunities for learning are less likely to self-sabotage than those who view them as threats to their self-worth.

Similarities Between High- and Low-Pressure Self-Sabotage

Despite the differences in triggers, self-sabotage in both high- and low-pressure moments stems from the same core issues:

Fear: Fear of failure, rejection, or even success.

Avoidance: A tendency to avoid discomfort, whether it’s the stress of performing or the vulnerability of taking small risks.

Overthinking: Paralysis caused by an internal narrative that second-guesses every action.

Breaking Free from Self-Sabotage

The good news is that self-sabotage isn’t a permanent condition. With awareness and practice, we can rewire our brains and develop healthier habits. Here are some steps to start:

1. Recognise Patterns: Journaling or reflecting on when and how you self-sabotage can help you identify triggers.

2. Challenge Your Thoughts: When self-doubt arises, ask yourself if it’s based on fact or fear.

3. Take Small Steps: Break tasks into manageable parts to avoid overwhelm, and celebrate small wins to build confidence.

4. Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that mistakes are part of growth and don’t define your worth.

5. Seek Support: Working with a coach or therapist can provide tools and accountability for lasting change.

A Reassuring Note

Self-sabotage isn’t a flaw—it’s a learned response that can be unlearned. Whether you’re facing a high-pressure moment at work or a quiet day filled with overthinking, know that change is possible. You have the power to rewrite your story, take control of your habits, and create a life where success and happiness are no longer out of reach.